


Will I ever be good enough?

by runningfromrealitytoanime



Series: Meet the Kitas [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Slight Self Hatred, finding out about himself, some character study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24862531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runningfromrealitytoanime/pseuds/runningfromrealitytoanime
Summary: Shinsuke has yet to be able to stand on the court with his friends.Does he continue to play the sport that has made him question his self-worth countless times or does he step off the court for good?
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke & Inarizaki Volleyball Club
Series: Meet the Kitas [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1788652
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Will I ever be good enough?

**Author's Note:**

> I often have a lot of insecurities and after getting my degree results with my friends, I just feel so helpless that I would never be good enough or as good as them even though I try so hard to do well. I remember all thsoe days of studying and never hanging out with people, going to every single lecture or even just doing my work early only to do worse than them. And it hurts so so much, knowing that I am in a class below them and I can never catch up to them. No matter how many times I try or wish I had worked even harder, I can never, ever be good enough.
> 
> So many times I wanted to quit life totally, but here I am... just want it all to end so badly to be honest...
> 
> I projected a lot of my feelings to Shinsuke since he went through the experience of not having been on the court until the day he was made captain. Made him a bit more angsty than usual but hope you guys like it.

Shinsuke sighs as he walks back home, his feet aching from having chased the ball all over the court the entire day. His brain was aching from having to deal with the twin’s shenanigans and the coach shouting at them all to do drills even though they weren’t even in the starting line up, making Shinsuke wonder if he was a masochist to even be continuing playing volleyball.

He was no star on the court. In fact, most people didn’t even notice him on the court most of the time. He wasn’t even on the bench for goodness sakes, having had been surpassed even by boys a year younger than him who had been riding on the tailcoats of success since their middle school days. His heart sank just thinking about how he doesn’t own one of the dark maroon jerseys of the Inarizaki Volleyball Club, one of which was now kept and displayed proudly in a cabinet in his home.

He wished he could quit so badly.

“I’m home,” he called out as his granny called from the kitchen, “Welcome home, Shin-chan. Dinner is ready so if you could go have a bath.” Shinsuke slowly placed his shoes neatly in the genkan and proceeded to plod to his room, stripping himself of his clothes and dumping them into the laundry basket before pulling a towel around his waist.

As he sat inside the bathtub, he stared at the ceiling as the water rippled around him. he sighed as he thought of the day he had been recruited into the Inarizaki Volleyball club by his coach, the words the man had said echoing in his mind as he bit his lip.

“How on earth did you see potential in me? I’m a nobody on the court. I don’t even stand on the court,” he whispered as he dunks his head into the water, trying to drown out the thoughts of self-pity. The thoughts in his mind always came back to haunt him when everything was quiet, sometimes making him grateful for all the noise he was surrounded with on the court.

“Shin-chan, are you ok? You’re barely eating,” his granny asks as Shinsuke snaps out of his thoughts. He shook his head as he brought his chopsticks to his mouth to stick some vegetables inside, chewing on them slowly when his granny asks, “Is it about volleyball?” His granny never fails to not notice whenever he was in a bad mood, which was rare. After all, she had been the one taking care of him ever since he could walk when his parents passed away in an accident.

“You want to talk about it?”

“Granny, you know the story,’ he sighs as he puts his chopsticks down in case he breaks them in his fist. The feelings inside of him were rising as he tried to bite back the tears, swallowing back whatever was coming back up in his stomach as his granny slid out of her chair and pattered towards him. the tiny woman reached out to give her grandson a hug, soft tears spilling out of his eyes as he whispered, “Granny, will I ever be good enough to be part of Inarizaki?” It’s been two years and he has yet to be on the court. He couldn’t even stand with his team when he wanted to, always being in the stands so why… why on earth did the coach see so much in him?

“Shin-chan, not everyone can be good at everything. Some people might be good at volleyball, others are better than them. the only thing you can do is try harder.”

“I’m tired, granny. I’m so, so tired of trying. I just want to give up and just leave it all behind.” Shinsuke couldn’t count the number of times he wanted to step off the court forever, to leave behind the sport that was causing him so many headaches when he could be focused on other aspects of life.

Was it due to the guilt of leaving behind something that connected him to his granny, one of the stars of the Inarizaki Girls Volleyball team in her days who brought them to nationals, or was it the guilt of disappointing his coach?

“Shin-chan, it's ok to stop something if it is hurting you so much. If something is causing you so much pain, its best to just step back and look at it from afar. Why did you start volleyball in the first place?”

“You brought me to the club.”

“And did you like it?”

Oh yes. He still loves the feeling of being able to bump up a ball into the air, feeling the sting in his palm as he spiked a ball across. He relished the feeling of standing on the court even for a simple drill, to be able to hold onto the ball in his hands and play with his team.

Despite all of his pains, he still wanted to play on the court.

“You know, Shin-chan. The gods are always watching whatever we do. If you continue practising to be the best person you can be, they will surely reward you one day.”

Shinsuke could only nod and sniffle as his granny held him in her arms just like she did all those years ago when he cried out for his parents at night, her warmth bringing him the hope he needed so much for the future. She had given him so much; a home, a life, a purpose on the court.

A year later, Shinsuke sobbed once more as he finally held the maroon jacket he had seen in his granny’s cabinet in his hands as the newly appointed captain. He couldn’t stop himself from crying as the team applauded and surrounded him, Omimi grinning widely as he held him tight while the Miya twins hoisted him in the air and cheered his name.

After trying so hard all those years, Shinsuke was finally able to stay on the court with the people he loved.

Who needs memories when you could live in the present and relish the moment?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated and welcomed! They really make my day and just give me hope in life that I can do something right as a writer.


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